Can You Really Be a Relationship Expert?
Why I Hate Being Labeled A Dating Expert
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Last week, I was the Hillman College Alumni of the Month. I was listed as both an actor and a dating expert; two things that I decidedly am not. Now, I probably could have just asked the good folks who crafted it to make that change but I let it ride. I mean, I could be an actor. I’ve starred in a few straight to YouTube shorts and one movie that will never see the light of day. Plus, there was the short-lived BET version of Friends – entitled Homiez – that I was an original cast member for. Obviously, it never got off the ground.
By the way, if you actually clicked the link for my jersey you need Jesus. -Thank you. Mgmt.
But I cringed when I saw dating expert, which I admit is a bit ironic. Considering how many “how to” and “why men or women…” posts we’ve written and especially since we wrote any entire book that we called a motherloving GUIDE to dating, you’d think that I’d not only view myself as a relationship savant, but think that if you’re NOT asking me about relationships then you are absolutely f*cking the dog in your life. THEN when you consider that we’ve positioned ourselves as one of the number one blogs doing this thing…
Wait, I said number one. I’m sorry, I lied. We’re number one, two, three, four, and five. Ask about me.
Point is, despite the best laid plans of mice and men, I hate when folks refer to us here as relationship experts. There are a few reasons for this, but one that stands out above all else: I’m not a dating expert.
Period.
While I know that’s not a surprise to anybody and most people that venture here come to read our opinions and are able to take it as a matter of perspective and opinion and run with it, when you place the word “expert” next to anybody’s name, a whole new level of scrutiny is not only welcomed, but necessary. It’s the reason why so many folks take aim at Steve Harvey. Which is fair. Except the people that love him view him as such and that’s really all that matters.
There isn’t a single woman that I’ve dated who would even jokingly call me an expert. Well, maybe sarcastically. Hell, I’ve had women I’ve dated use my own blogs against me. Do you know how hard it is to defend yourself against yourself? It’s like the time I tried to tell my boy that I had platonic friends using my friends as examples and then he said that I didn’t…and used my friends as examples. It’s a catch-22 clustef*ck of epic proportions. What makes that even more f*cked up is that in nearly all situations where I’ve done wrong, I’ve KNOWN what the right thing to do was…but I’ve got pride the size of boulder balls. You can’t have significant pride and be an expert in relationships. Because somebody who was an expert in relationships would be able to put pride aside in the name of, ya know, a relationship. I have sucked at this.
And this isn’t to say that I suck at relationships, because I don’t. But just because I have an opinion and a blog doesn’t make me an expert. It makes me a ninja with an opinion and a blog. I know, preaching the choir and all that good sh*t. But you have no idea how much it IRKS me whenever I see that. In every interview we’ve done where they actually asked us about our expert status, I make it a point to say that I’m not expert…I’m an observationist who happens to be really good at analyzing his observations.
To take it a step further, how can anybody really be an expert at relationships anyway? What does that even mean? Every relationship is SO nuanced and so different. While I do think that most people tend to trend towards certain issues and beefs, which largely all stem from communication (and you know being down with OPP), most answers are just common sense. Like, I swear the words, “you should probably talk to him/her” are the answer to 90 percent of all queries. Being able to relay that message doesn’t make you an expert anymore than a man telling you that making a man work the goodies (you should and you shouldn’t…how’s that for expert advice) does.
Real talk, I think that I hate it mostly because the term itself is a total sham. Call me a relationship blogger, or a guy who waxes philosophical about relationships…a guy who spits that real sh*t, sh*t to make you feel sh*t, bump it in the club sh*t…something. But an expert? Naw, I’ll never be that. That’s like a slap in the face to all of the women I’ve dated even though they likely don’t even pay any attention to it if they read that stuff at all. Not that all of the relationship fails were my fault, but I’ve done my part. Plus, I just don’t want that weight. I push rhymes like weight, not expert ability. Then again, I suppose there are worse problems to have. However, I just want you all to know, that I know that you know, that I’m not expert. So in case you think that I’m out here saying that I’m experting sh*t out here in these streets, I’m not saying that. I’m an artists.
Since we like to put questions at the end and sh*t, what do you think when you see anybody referred to as an expert? Are you automatically skeptical or do you think that means the person is knowledged and worth listening to? Better yet, do you only question it if they’re listed as “relationship” experts? Do you question “quantum physics” experts?